Every Redbox has them. You’ve probably seen them. You might even (gasp!) BE one of them. I’m talking about the colorful, eclectic cast of characters that patronize Redbox and make each visit such an “interesting” experience. There are several Redbox kiosks close to my house, and each one has provided an up-close, personal introduction to many of these characters. You yourself most likely know a few of them.
- Mr. and Mrs. Bickerton. Have any marriages ever ended in front of a small LCD screen? If so, it was probably these two. The Bickertons, who took a solemn vow to love, honor and cherish one another for the rest of their lives, can’t even agree on a Saturday night movie without vicious criticisms and name-calling. Usually rocking sweatpants, these two slowly forget that there are five people in line behind them as their debate gets louder and more personal with each vetoed movie.
- Captain Commitment. The “More Titles” button was created for this guy. He scrolls through the box’s entire inventory three times, reads the reviews of a dozen films, and then walks away empty handed. And this man’s still single, ladies!
- Mr. On-Top-of-It. Forgot which movie he’s supposed to pick up and has to have a lengthy call to figure it out? Check. Asks you to hold his place in line as he runs out to his car to grab his wallet? Check. Has a bulging sack of groceries in one hand, a crying baby in the other, a three-year-old terrorizing people in line and he’s still trying to carefully choose between Wolverine and Crank 2: High Voltage? Check, check, check.
- The Rookie. She’s young, she’s cute, and she’s a nightmare. Hesitantly pecking at the screen, growing more flustered and SLOWER as the line builds behind her, she will add an easy ten minutes to your Redbox experience. One of her more charming attributes is slowly entering in her email address EVERY time she rents a movie.
- The Code Overloader. You know you’re in trouble when the guy in front of you pulls out an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper with every Redbox code in existence on it and proceeds to enter, fail, enter, fail. Dude, BREAKROOM is not going to work on your Visa again!
So, my fellow RedHeads, did I miss anyone? Any character sightings at a Redbox near you? Have you ever been one of these people? (Maybe I have, maybe I haven’t. I’ll never tell!) Comment away.